Pancakes, Restriction, Laxatives

I think a update is long overdue, sorry guys, ive been pre-occupied with food. I hate myself, my big butt and my tree trunk thighs. But i tell you what i do love, the sun. It may be gold, but damn that sun is shining this makes me happy, my SAD may finally fuck off for abit and let me take control once again of what i eat!

Im prepared for the future. Got my little big pancake recipe, which i will NOT be making again as far to many calories for my shrinking waistline.

 

350g self raising flour

1 tbsp white sugar

1pinch salt

3tsp baking powder

1 egg

300ml milk

Makes the thickest lushest batter ever, add more sugar if youve got a sweet tooth, you will need to cook them on quite a high heet with some oil or butter in the pan (i would reccomend olive oil, much better for the waist line)

Back to my old ways.

So ive started abusing the laxatives again, i had totally forgotten my love for the little yellow sugar coated pills. They cause me pain, but the also cause me majoy shrinkage. Its gross to talk about these, but i get such a rush of shitting - ahaha!

The restriction has started again, i havent got a meal plan, but im just scared of going over 150 calories, maybe thats mad. I beat myself up yesterday for eating a fat free yoghurt, i started at it for about 30 minutes, slowly disecting spoonfulls of it in my mouth, YUCK! Eating is so un-feminine i acutally hate it! My goal weight is 70-75lbs, i am totally not going to get here before i got on holiday if i carry on eating about 150 calories. I think chew and spit is going to be called back in! Hello guys, i need your help!?

<3 Mee

Blergh

So its time to get back to reality. Ive put on weight, not one or two pounds, but 7lbs, since my lowest weight of 83lbs (im sure you can do the math on that) After taking pictures today, examining myself in the mirror, pinching my fat and having a long makeup-ruining cry i decided to take pictures. Pictures used to keep me on track, i took pictures everysingle day, i seems to be loosing like a motherfucker back in those days.

Its time to face facts, im not going to get skinny from eating 1000cal a day, yes maybe seriously slowly, but who the hell said i wanted to loose is slowly. Its time to lock myself in my room again like back in the summer where my ed started and slowly begin to fade in the distance again on a diet of fruit and veg. Im going vegan, only for a few months, damn i need some frikin calcium - im not stupid enough to think im superhuman and need nothing. I need alot, i am currently giving myself a lot. I no longer want to give myself alot.

I thought i would share my pictures. To the girl who asked my weight - i would share it, but i not the kinda person who likes to give it out and then be told my own bmi, 'yeah thanks for working that out for me love, and making it your 'goal-weight! - this isnt a personal attack on you btw.