Ugh

Dont you just hate victoria secret models, they are so beautiful - facially - and so tall, so sexy. I really envy them!

Currently attempted a 6 day fast, i did forecast a 7 day fast, yet my brothers birthday is next tuesday and with it currently being wednesday and having only just started my fasting today my plans are set to be ruined already. But im determined to carry out these 6 days, ive never fasted for so long before. 3 days is my longest and i was to beat that, i need to loose so much weight and i see fasting as the only option. Its either fast or binge, i need to right myself meal plans and times for meals. I like structure, right now i have no structure which is why i think im binging when im not fasting.

x

Started cutting again...

Can't cope...

Needs new razor blades...

Skimmed please.

UGH -  i ate today, im so fucked off i wanted to fast, but i worked it out that i can still fast another 2 days aslong as i start right here right now! Gota get to 75lbs man before August, i will do it, anything is possible, especialy when the adrenalin of fasting kicks in, i was sooooo upset that i had to eat wednesday, ugh, i felt the hunger air go away and i felt so lonely all of a sudden :(. I had the worst leg cramps ever once i ate, and i just pooped out everything i ate with in 2 hours of eating it, no laxatives, just dont think my stomach agreed with the food. GOOD!

So for the next 2 days (well not really two, argh why did i eat! But yeah tomorrow (friday) and up until about 5pm saturday i shall be living of coffee, mmmm coffee my new life love, nothing better than blogging my life away, or reading other peoples blogs, having a fashion magazine in front of you and having a nice big cuppa coffee in front of you, ok so i dont drink 'skinny girl coffee' i have mine with 1 sugar and skimmed milk, but WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER, im not trying to be like so bloody, i dont know what im trying to say, but basically im totally not a sterio type 'skinnygirl' with a black coffee, i like fat womans coffe, just with a little less fat! Oh my 0.1% fat milk, how i do love you, thinking about it i hate milk yucky taste, just good in coffee.

CRAZY.

Ok, so i just finished fasting today, and i made a pact to myself to not weight myself until friday, yes i let myself down on that one. But the main reason i made the pact was because i didnt want to be upset all week when i didnt loose any weight. So two nights of insomnia after sunday i couldnt resist the temptation, so at 1am on tuesday morning, after trying to get to sleep for 3 hours i weighed myself, i was 92lbs. THIS IS CRAZY, considering that i was 98lbs last monday, so i went back to bed all excited like 'omg i dont need to loose anymore weight for the date im going on, but im going to anyway, i will just look even better then', then i finally got some good sleep, i think it was a good 4 hour chunk un-interupted, crazy times (im saying crazy alot in this blog post).So, yeah i woke up this morning, with alot of cramp, and heart pain, so decided it would be a good time to go wee then weight myself again before i have an apple to break my fast (are apples good for breaking fasts with, i dont wanna end up hella fat AGAIN!), well i got on these scales and it was swaying between 90lbs and 91lbs, so lets count that as 91lbs, this is crazy, i have LOST 7 whole frikin lbs in just over a week. Works cannot describe what a relief this is for me, ive been restricting so long and hard and ive just been gaining, and now finally its starting to shed off again.



I've also realised my new found love once again for fasting. Can someone please tell me (if they know) the aches im getting in my heart, its kinda like a shooting cramp and i find it hard to take deep breaths in, is this kinda umm, dangerous to say?

xxx

Pretty.

Videos like this keep my happy, my love for fashion grows a little more each day <3

Got lots of lovely new clothes today in the post, so excited as i was terrified the size 0 jeans wouldnt bit, but they did which made me terribly excited <3.

Its my second day of fasting, i feel so much better about my self, and it gets me excited as i know i must of lost some weight atleast as my stomach burns which means its using fat for energy. My love for coffee has grown more significant, every sip sending me into heaven, hahaha. Gota love it guys! Today ive had 2 big mugs of coffee, i might go for some more later to ward myself away from food, but i just cant sleep when i drink it late. Last night i had no sleep, and i got 1 hour this morning, which kinda sucks but for some reason i dont feel tired, guess im going to feel it tomorrow with my 9 hour waitressing shit. Silver service results in a broken fast as i dont want to get sacked for spilling something down a very rich person! I plan to have an apple in the morning, and an apple during my break, then i shall resume with my fast until friday evening/saturday afternoon. Going to meet a man, gota admit, im pretty excited about this guys haha!

x

beep

Why do i have the stupid ability to make every quote somehow link to my eating disorder and me starving myself? Not sure what the hell to type, so i thought a pretty little collection of images would be cute haha.

I left the pro-ana site id joined, sorry but i do not see how 'beauty in our eyes' gives the excuse for a load of fat wannarexics joining a once quite community, that site sucks now man :( My day went well today, i ate nothing, i had a glas skimmed milk - 30cal, a cupa fruit tea - 1cal, 2 cups coffee - 40cal. Hopefully il loose is i carry this on, i feel like im getting back on track latley, writing this i feel my addiction to being empty already coming back, i can feel the air from my stomach escaping through my throat, AMAZE-ING :)

Hi abbie :P 

x