Im back

Hello ladies.

Sorry i went away, i was so depressed i just needed to be on my own. The time away from all the blogging and ED community websites has kinda helped me i guess. Well its made me realise my disorderd thoughts can be hidden alot better but are alot stronger in my mind.

So i decided a new start, well not completely new, but i re-decorated (haha) my blog, so something brighter and more uplifting, i quite like it, dont know whether all you will though, will have to give me feed back! I got off my recovery programme on friday at a weight of 95lbs. Althought i fasted for 2 days afterwards, took laxatves on monday and fasted on tuesday and purged twice i think ive maintained the weight. Im not fasting today though, its kinda stupid i guess, but im not taking back all the hard work i put in becuase im probably still the same weight.

I always seem to fast when the sun is shining, it just makes me feel so happy, well happier than i usually do. Im clean and pure, the sun warms the hunger away and i seem to be filled up on the bright glow that it beams down on the earth. Im a real sun child, i cant wait to finish my year at college and then move away somewhere. Hopefully i can talk to my cousin and he can help me with moving to australia, if that fails, i always have my aunt who is moving there in the summer who will definatly help me with it. If both of these fail, il just do what i need to do in order to be eligible for a visa in america somewhere. I hate england so much, cant wait to escape!

My ex told me the other day that he had told my brother everything about me, about my eating disorder, sent him links to this blog and my PT account, and told him about my pervious bad experiences. Which made me so mad, not only because he is in no position to tell anyone. Its my disorder and my life, if i wanted to reveal all to my family i would. but i was also angry becaue is prompeted absolutley no response from my brother. He has done nothing. I say all the time that no-one cares, i think that just about proves when i say it im not bullshitting. Literally no-one gives a flying fuck about what i do and what has happened to me. Still, i have to look at it as something positive, becuase im in free rein of what i do to myself.

Love x