100g raspberries, 500ml water, oh and a car crash. God really wants me to go, i know hes given up on me, he knows im trash so now hes trying to get me to disappear, today really was a sign.
I've never been in a car crash before, was quite odd, ambulance came, police came, we got driven home by police, now im sat on my bed trying to work out how the fuck that just happened, its a total blur, i just remember shouting 'what the fuck' and the next thing we know were being pushed along a 3 lane fucking road into other traffic. It really is my time to die, if my starvation isnt a sign than this definatly is. Im pretty excited to die, i mean ive hated myself my whole life, but only learnt to let it out last year and ive completly destroyed 'nicola' since then, and slowly another part of me has become ana each day. I love ana, thank you for always being here for me when i need you. Thank you for helping me cope, and giving me advice, and thank you for helping me become pure, so even if i do die soon, i die a better person than i was when i was fatter.
hi iv just started following u.
ReplyDeletei dont want to sound harsh but u survived the crash. u are alive, maybe u are meant to be?? and just cos u hate urself and feel like trash, doesnt mean u actually are.i learnt, not long ago, that feelings arnt facts. i dont know u that well but from reading ur blog i can tell u are intelligent. and ur beautifull. i wish u could see that. its such a waste.
I dont believe i am meant to be. My life keeps giving me messages to just leave, i just have to find the right time, a time where im not going to let anyone down on anything, becuase thats all ive done my life.
ReplyDeleteIt is a waste, im not beautiful, not overly intelligent, but its still a waste of the a life, but if i dont posses the ability to be happy and have self acceptance that is it really a waste, its more of a relief.
you keep getting bad signs cause its the only thing you are alowing yrself to see,if you keep saying im ugly im ugly im ugly,yr brain triggers after 30days and then you really do start seeing ugly in the mirror when yr not,same goes for i am fat i am fat,wen you really are not
ReplyDeleteevery1 is born for a reason,if God thought of you to be so bad and only a berden,he would not have made such a beautiful entelegent strong will powerd amazing little friend!
i love you,but you knew that!:)