Going to cambridge for a few days tomorrow morning, the journey is going to take 6 hours on the coach :(, my sister is talking about taking salad for the trip, to be honest id rather just chew sugar free gum and suck on sugar free strawberry sweets, she doesnt seem to understand that, but i guess a salad will be way less calories, its just the whole principle of putting proper food into myself that scares me, i just have such a long way to go and even eating 100g of lettuce (my lunch today) made me feel guilty, the thing equaled 13calories, yet it was the principle of it being so much food in one go, i hate it, and then my stomach bloats so when i suck in the bit inbetween my rips doesnt go down, it stays level, its like someones just shoved a rolled up pair of socks underneath the skin just to make me feel like a big fat horrible cow :(. Atleast this trip will give me a chance to lose some weight, i refuse to eat her cereal and milk, she drinks semi-skimmed, to me thats like drinking cream its so thick and horrible and fatty and white :(
Plan is to eat a salad for lunch and a vegetable mixture for dinner, i dont want to top 200cal a day, this is included in my new diet plan i have sorted myself out, i need order, i made myself some order at 2.30am this morning while waiting for my love to turn up online so i could chat to him - oh how i miss him so, i totally dont deserve him, he is far far far to good for me, im just a worthless sack of shit, i keep telling him, he keeps disagreeing, this battle is going to go on for a very long time!
Basically my diet plan doesnt go above 144 cal a day, and i have a choice of between a 112 day or a 144 day, both are totally vegetable and im allowed as much coffee and diet pop as i like, however i dont drink much, i dont feel asthough i deserve liquid if i have eaten that day, i have a lot of fasting ahead of me aswell. This month is going to test my willpower to the limits and at no point do i want to fail, i just cant accept failure anymore!
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