Scared, fat and crying. I cant cope anymore. Weight after binge: 98lbs. I was 90lbs on monday evening. Im so embarresed to admit the weight of myself at the moment Im so disgusting, im so gross. I cant stop crying. I need to stop binging, i cant do it to myself anymore, its to much of a stress on top of everything thats going hrough my head. I know im fat, thats all i tell myself, but i still eat. Why do i eat?! Why can i go for periods of not eating then binge for 4 days in a row and muck everything up. I hate myself, i wish i was dead. I wish i was just fucking gone. Nothing will leave my head, i just want my head to be empty like it used to be. I wish i was that emotionless bitch again that just starved and got drunk occasionally.
I dont care about anything anymore. I dont care about me, i dont care about work, i dont care about future. Im fasting until wednesday. Its my longest fast, its my most needed fast. What kind of a disgusting bitch stuffs 8lbs worth of food in herself. Me, thats what kind of disgusting bitch. All my fucking laxativs are gone, i tried to purg but i cant, nothing comes up. I wish someone would just happen, whether it be a fucking bomb blows me up of my stomach splits in half with the amount of disgusting food.
For the next 2 weeks im not allowed to go over 78cals a day. Excluding christmas day, how the fuck am i going to escape that fucking one?!
I FUCKING HATE YOU!
Ok, first of all, 98 pounds is not fat. I know you won't believe me, but trust me. I would kill to be 98 pounds. 113 pounds = FAT. Second,I'm sorry you've been binging and I'm sure you know why. It's your body's way of trying to get the calories you need. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take some deep breaths and relax. Try to do something nice for yourself. It'll make you feel better. Stay strong. xx
ReplyDeleteLove you,
ReplyDeletexx