Binge on liquids.

So after binging on 2 cans of pepsi max and 2 pints of water, i decided today as well as restricting my calorie intake im now also going to restrict my fluid intake. On days im fasting im not allowed anymore than 400ml of water and days where im restricting im allowed 1 can of pepsi max and 600ml of water. The last thing i want to do is put on water weight, and ive done just that today, ive gained 2lbs in liquid, and that sucks, because all i want to do is lose 2lbs, not gain 2 fucking disgusting fat lbs.

I lost 3lbs since yesterday, yay me, not! Such a fat horrible cow, wish i was just bone, wish i could just rot while still alive, so then once i die there is nothing left, the process is finished, my soul has been taken, my body had been broken down, nothing can feed on me, because nothing deserves to witness the poison that is within my flesh, with in my soul. I am a monster, a horrible, torturing, inconsiderate monster, that deserves to watch itself rot in front of the mirror. I deserve to look like a disgusting disfigured corpse, mutilated my self-starvation and addiction. I deserve all this for the simple reason or hurting you. I dont deserve life, or opportunity, i defiantly done deserve happiness, prosperity, love. All i deserve is my bittersweet decent with the monster inside of me. I'll let it rip me apart, il let it tear that thing know as 'Nicola' right up in front of my eyes. I dont want to be 'Nicola' anymore, she is evil, disgusting, slutty, whorish, scum who deserves death and torture.

The world should be rid of me, i am actually the human form of the devil and it disgusts me that ive formed myself into such a traitorous beast. 'Pretty' on the outside, but ugly as fucking hell on the inside. Look at me now, im not that pretty girl anymore.