New diet this week, well yeah, kinda an odd place to start a week, but thats when i started my one last week and i have a new diet every week. Im going to try and go vegan this week and see how it goes for me. The first two weeks are always hard with shit like new eating patterns. My mum is going to be please isnt she when i tell her i need dairy free stuff aswell as meat free stuff. Oh, the look on her face. Il probably just resort to taking £10 off her each week from now on and buying my own food with it, so much easier to feed myself and buy my own food then i dont feel guilty about throwing it in the bin.
I bought 40 laxatives on tuesday to replace my deminished amount. I normally keep 80 in a little pot next to my bed. Clearly the last week has been tough as ive taken 50 laxatives in the space of 4 days. I have 20 waiting for me right now. This is ridiculous, but i dont feel like i can stop. Probably addicited again, but i dont know. 'i can stop when ever i need to' - right now i just dont want to stop.
I watched skins tonight, the new series. For some reason, beyond my knowledge, i always find it very triggering. I dont know why, theres nothing ed related in it, ok well then have that blonde chick called mini, but shes hardly triggering, she eatings like frickin banana chips then bouces around and looked like a barbie. Its the whole drink, drugs, sex thing. Its reckless and i always get sucked in by that and i dont have a clue why. Then im like fuck, i just want to starve myself and feel euphoric! Yeah, im a freak, and i like being in euphoria and im now chatting random bull.
Love x
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