Its been sunny all week, and now its rainy and miserable. On the day i get paid aswell, i hate going out in this weather which means my wages are going to be left in the safe at work. All £600 beautiful worth of them, ohh i miss them :(. Im still in bed, so lazy, i normally get up at 9am and start doing exercise but i slept in. Im water fasting today and im going to do 2 hours exercise. I did this on monday but fainted twice, but ive kept out the laxatives so hopefully i will be cool today, plus ive had more sleep. I feel like a failure staying in bed for 3 extra hours though, so lazy. Disgraceful and disgsuting.
I feel like a bitch, i dont know why, i dont know whether i will carry on feeling like one. I just feel emotinally numb. Il sit and think about tyrone all day, and il feel sad yeah, but at the same time i will feel comforted. I think its the eating disorder part feeling comforted. Shes safe in the knowledge of knowing how much he hates me. So i guess the hate is comforting me becuase ive always been hated by something or someone. Ive never been wanted anywhere and ive never deserved to be loved. So im right back at the begining of my disorder, way back in 2009. When i exercised and started slowly restircting, then i stopped exercising and completly restricted. Im hoping to keep up the exercise though, and just restirct more and more.
So hello waterfast, make me lose some weight please. I only have like 6 weeks left on my recovery programme. Im so excited to get off of it. Im 1lb over what i need to be, so i can safely lose that, and its easy to fake like 3 or 4 lbs, as my laxatives always make me retain water, and i just eat bread and wala, im FAT :(. I want to be like 89lbs again by next friday. So only 5lbs to lose.
I have bowed legs, and i fucking hate it. My feet are together, so why the fuck arent my knees. Stupid fucking legs.
The whole bow-legged thing just comes with losing more weight than your body wants you too.
ReplyDeleteI got told I've started to look like I walk funny, cos my hips are naturally wide. The gap between them & the angle of my legs makes me look bow-legged.
I don't think it looks unattractive though. Your legs look good here! x
My legs look 'padded' its horrid. I liked them when i was about 83lbs, now i just hate them, so much harted for my legs. They are like pigs in blankets!
ReplyDeleteIm sure your hips dont look wide, people are so means for saying you look like your walking funny. Im sure your legs look lovely when you are walking haha. I dont get why they become boed, is it just like fat loss from the knees that makes them seperate, or does the bone structure actually become weaker? x