Fail.

So i took 10 laxatives last night after doing about 40 minutes on the crosstrainer and only burning 160calories. I suck, im so lazy and so fat its ridiculous. Its 3.10pm, i havent eaten yet, but i have the option to eat, i havent told myself im not. Ive put my weekly allowance in a tin underneath my bed and i think thats whats comforting me to not eat at the moment. I kinda want to eat, but i also dont want to eat, il see how i feel later. I might have a pack of melba toast. Im on my frist drink of the day at the moment. A HUGE mug of liptop red berry tea. Seriously, its so good. If you ever see it get it, its so sweet, its like sweeties. I feel kinda guilty drinking it, but it was like 2 calories in, so really i shouldnt be guilty ridden.

I have to model for my friend on sunday, im so scared. I have to have a flat stomach, as long as i have a flatstomach i think im going to be ok with it. Its flat at the moment (ofcourse) because i took laxatives. I dont want to eat incase i ruin it though. I like it when my hips poke out and my whole torso is inline with the front of my ribcage. It makes me feel beter, especially when i have the dip inbetween my ribs when i stand up. But when i lie down, i just look like a deflated ballon, so much baggy skin and hanging fat everywhere. Ewwww.

Overall, pretty shite day so fat. Tidied the kitchen, yet again, my mum and brother seem to have the inability to keep anything neat and tidy. My brother left sugar everywhere and the cereal open, gets to be sooo bad! I havent exercised. Ive watched countless videos of youtube, of poltergeist activity, and a vlog of a couple called nina and jofus. Its halirious, i spent about 2 hours doing that. I especially like the bits when they go to do foodshopping. I loved foodshoping with my bf, even thoughi t was the most difficult thing for me to do ever and i made him want to shoot myself. I now bug my mum instead to take me as im all lonesome. She got snappy last time i asked though, so i havent asked since. We also had a fight last night, long story short, she blamed me for a £75 bill that she hasent paid and basically told me i have to pay for it. RIDICULOUS!

I had a dream this morning about eating chocolate cupcakes. OMG, best dream ever. I swear i was acutally tasting them in my sleep, it was so real. Have you ever had a dream where you can taste what you are eating?

I LOVE BASIL! (MY CAT)