Feel HORRIBLE this morning, guessing its from the laxatives. But my eyes have swollen up, well most of my face has really and i feel like ive got the worlds worst cold, i can hardly breath. Everything hurts, can hardly move my eyes without feeling like they are going to pop out. Serve me right for eating food, silly fat cow! 

Cant wait to fast until monday, my stomach will be empty, ahh gota love an empty stomach, gets you through everything. Being tiny (80-) is the only thought keeping mee alive at the moment, i have nothing else left apart from anorexia, and the thought of being that weight my christmas makes me feel like maybe i have a little glimmer of hope that i can carry on living my life abit more peacefully. Every other thing i do in life just fucks me over then leaves, but anorexia doesnt. Shes always there, whether i want her there or not, she always is, and im thankfull i guess, becuase when i dont want other people there they just leave, but she actually cares thats why she stays. She cares when i do something silly, and encourages me to prevent it, and when i do something good she praises me and helps me to carry on.

Need to go to town later really, dont know if im going to be able to though, i mean 20 laxatives arent really a recipe for sucess when you are walking around the place are you. Going to get a pregnany test, my dodgy periods are driving me crazy and i want to rule it out when i am not pregnant and that i am not going to get nasty and fat and saggy and even uglier. Also have to pick up my wages and gloves, my forgetfullness is getting ridiculous. Every week i lose my work gloves and have to get a new pair, they will start charging me soon, i need to order them on bulk from ebay or something :P.