SUPERmarket

I feel so weak right now, 33 laxatives since monday was prehaps not the best decision i have made in a long time, i used to take 70 a week, but that was a long time ago, probably why i feel so weak now. I decided to eat a slice of bread (100) to try build my energy up a little, but its just made me 'go' again. I dont want to eat anymore, but if my mum makes me i will eat either a apple or a banana. If i didnt take laxatives i wouldnt of eaten because i acutally would of had some strength inside me to move without seeing black and guessing where each step is on the stairs whilst running my head along the wall and using my hands to grip my hipbones. Ohh hipbones, dear old hipbones, how i miss you when i eat.

Going food shopping with my mum tonight, im lucky enough to have a mum who despite says she worries about me, doesnt regularly force me to eat and lets me chose my own food when food shopping. 

On my list shall be:

7 apples

1 bag dried pulse mix

Melba toast (if i  can find it, if not 1 loaf low calorie bread)

4 sachets sugar free jelly mix
12 cans pepsi max

I know i probably wont eat that in a whole weak, but the calorie content alone doesn't even add up to 2000.

Its bonfire night tonight, i have nothing planned, nor will i probably plan anything because 1. Im shitting my pants 2. Everything involves food 3. I dont like socialising. So im going to have a nice miserable night in drinking fruit tea and watching the TV. Then i shall go to work tomorrow, not eat hopefully, 11am - 8pm, i have no cause to eat, nor any time!

Going to my friends 18th birthday party on Sunday, its a surprise, i haven't seen any of them since i was 15, that's 2 years ago now, im excited to see them i guess, im just worried they will all think im fat. My one friends told the birthday girl shes worried about my eating, and since then she stares at me like a hawk, but i get away with not eating, just tell them ive already eating. Like i say to my mum 'Oh i had a hugeeee pasta lunch at work, im to full to eat.' I aint guna complain for as long as they believe it. Leave me alone to get skinny and il be overly content.

Booked my first driving lesson on Wednesday, its 2 hours long, and omg i am popping myself (literally) I know il have to eat a little more on that day, maybe include an extra slice of bread before the lesson, or is that really a good idea, my mind will be on the food. Either way im buggered and im going to kangaroo down the road then greeting a little 11 year old school boy with the front bumper.

So my plan commencing on Monday goes like this:

Breakfast: Cup of tea

Lunch: 600ml pepsi maxx, or 500ml really light ribena (10)

Snack: 1 apple

Dinner: 70g stew mix with herbs, 2 slice Melba toast or 1 slice low calorie bread